just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
