even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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