You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
