There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
