I feel like I'm in dance class right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
