my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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