We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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