There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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