i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
