Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Welp...herpes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
