saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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