That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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