were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
