it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
