Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
