I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
