the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
