Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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