what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
