Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
