Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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