So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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