I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
