We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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