i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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