There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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