Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
