Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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