that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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