i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
