Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
