I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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