Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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