Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
