? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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