Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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