I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
