Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
