and she was petting her beer can
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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