We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
