It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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