i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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