I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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