Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
