just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
