I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
