my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
