They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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