hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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