just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
