When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
