you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
