he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
